My new plan
At some point in time (whether it's for a few days or a few years) I think most children dream of becoming a pro athlete, playing in the big leagues with the big boys, attracting all the $$$, fame and (most importantly) glory.I've basically given up on that dream ever happening for me (although maybe I can start a professional kabadi league!) but I'm not dissapointed. In fact I've developed a new dream, a new ingenious plan which will allow me to at least take part in all the riches associated with pro-athletes. I'm going to groom my children to be pro-athletes.
And not the kind that meander along in the minors hoping to be called up one day. No, none of this mediocrity and "playing because I love the sport" crap for my kids. My kids are going to be superstars!! Why? To make daddy rich!!
The first step of course is foster a fierce sense of competition and desire to win in the child. Pit the children against each other and celebrate and favour the child who wins. Next you have to find out what athletic and physical talents your child may have and what major sports (emphasis on the major) they would be suited for. If they don't have any (which is likely because they'll be Indian) beat it into them (again, likely to occur because they're Indian)!! You have to have a timeline and game plan though (pun intended). They should already be highly praised and eyed by scouts by the time they reach the age of 15.
Now the key is to have them drafted extremely high when they are young (say 18,19) and (this is VERY important) you must be their first agent. Who are they gonna trust more, a sleazy, greasy lawyer or the parent that has nurtured them to an elite-athletic ability? That was a rhetorical question. And what was does this trust earn you? 10% of the contract.
Now of course in a few years when they've established themself as a bona-fide superstar they'll probably fire you as their agent (in fact you probably told them to do so) and hire a real agent. But that's ok. They'll still love you and you'll still love them (again, due to being Indian). What does this love earn you? Anywhere from 1-5% of earnings in the form of money, nice house, car, vacations, etc.
So my friends even though I can barely climb stairs, sweat like a pig when I walk and sit on my couch with a box of cookies watching the Superman movie (with no pants on of course!) it all has its purpose. I'm going to have superstar athlete children to make me rich, so that I can live the lifestyle I wasn't able to provide myself.
posted by Arvind @ 3:53 PM
9 comments
